This is a short screenplay that I wrote a few years ago that I have adapted into a short comic script. Those that follow me have probably figured out that I write a lot of different things. I just love writing stories and sometimes a certain story lends itself to a specific medium. I love the hardboiled detective and noir style of storytelling. I bring an element of that to a lot of my stories whether it is the my mystery series or my Perfect 200 series which I would classify as a urban sci fi fantasy.
I have no ability to draw at all so I put some images that I found on Google for the feel that I was going for. I viewed this very much in the style of Frank Miller.
Panel 1 Wide: Urban cityscape, dark and gritty
Caption: City of Angels 1940 something…
Panel 2 Close: Front of an old car, 30’s Studebaker,
Panel 3 Close: Through the front windshield two young men
sit in the front seat of a car.
Caption: I really hate this city. It’s a dirty steaming
cesspool. And I am right in the middle of it.
Panel 4 Close: Through the windshield, The passenger, STU
Caption: I a make my living in this cesspool, so I
guess that makes me part of the problem. That’s why I
plan on getting out.
Panel 5 Close: gun on the thigh of one of the men
Caption This is how I make my living
Panel 1 wide: dark alley with light thrown from an open
Caption It’s places like these I make that living.
Panel 2 close: A man leaning on a wall smoking a
Caption I don’t know what this guy did, Hell, he
probably didn’t do anything.
Panel 3 Close: the mans hand on the door as he pulls it
closed narrowing the light.
Panel 4 close: through the windshield Stu and his partner,
JEREMY, sit quietly, waiting.
Any idea why He wanted you to do
No idea, I thought my last hit was
a month ago.
I hope we didn’t interrupt
Panel 5 close: Stu looks at his partner, and takes a drink
with a half smirk.
Panel 1 wide: a seedy motel with half of its lights burned
out and two old cars parked next to each other
Caption last night…
Panel 2 close: Stu lays in bed with a beautiful girl,
under his arm. Her long hair flowing around them
Caption ahhh, Allison. Now there is a dame to die for,
or kill for. Her old man just happens to be my boss
and that ain’t no life to live.
Panel 3 wide aerial from ceiling. The full bed, a ceiling
fan blocks the light throwing shadows around the room and
across Allison’s exposed top. Her breasts young and perky.
Their bottom are covered by a sheet that is woven between
Caption It gets hot in the summer, and even hotter
when Allison shares my bed.
Panel 4 close: Stu is laying a big kiss on Allison
Panel 5 close: Stu and Allison laying in bed
I’ll be glad when this is over.
Fun and sun are almost here.
Two weeks is too long. I want to
I already bought the tickets. I
can’t exchange them.
Panel 6 close: Allison crawls out of bed pulling up pink
Panel 7 Close: A phone on the nightstand. (ring ring
ring)Stu hand reaching for it.
Caption Allison’s father, The Boss
Panel 8 close: Stu’s face as he speaks into the phone.
THE BOSS(FROM THE PHONE)
Meet Jeremy in one hour at the
Panel 9 wide shot from ceiling. Allison stands across the
room topless. shadow thrown across her chest. Stu sits on
the bed with the phone in his hand.
You know the plan? Be safe.
Panel 1 wide aerial shot of alley, it is dark and the
Studebaker sits in the same spot, quiet.
Panel 2 medium shot: Stu and Jeremy hold their guns near
Caption nah, he didn’t interrupt anything..
Panel 3 wide: Stu and Jeremy crouch down behind an old car
and watch the mark stand about 100 yards away as he smokes
Panel 4 close: Jeremy has a smirk on his face.
So what are your plans after
I guess this is my retirement.
This is your last hit, I swear.
Jeremy, it doesn’t really matter
what you swear. Once in the mob,
always in the mob. Right?
I guess. But honestly, I asked for
it to be this way.
Panel 5 close: Stu looks at Jeremy curiously. A light cast
across his face.
You asked for me?
Yeah, this is kind of an important
The Mark went against the family.
So, you never answered my question,
Panel 6 medium: with his thumb on the hammer Stu cocks his
gun (click), on knee on the ground he gets ready to make
Panel 7 Medium: the man steps inside the building.
Panel 1 Wide aerial of the motel. It is still dark and the
motel is full of shadows.
Panel 2 Wide from back of room. Stu steps through the door
into the room casting a light onto Allison who lays on the
bed in the fetal position fully clothed.
Panel 3 He makes his way quickly over to the bed reaching
to hold his lover.
Caption I knew this hurt her so much…
Panel 4 close: He grabs her face and kisses her
Panel 5 Their faces are close together with barely an inch
between them. Light is thrown across Stu’s face leaving
Allison somewhat in the dark.
It’s a hit, isn’t it?
This is the last time, I promise.
After this we will be in Mexico.
I know, I’m just scared.
We’ll be alright, I promise. I
will be back in a couple days.
Panel 6 wide from ceiling looking down. Allison reaches
for him but gets nothing but air. The room between them
filled with dark shadows
Panel 1 wide cityscape, dark and gritty
Caption This is a mean mean town and sometimes things
don’t turn out as planned…
Panel 2 wide: Stu and Jeremy enter the building through
the alley door. Casting light onto their guns at their
Panel 3 wide: a shadow filled hallway lays ahead of them
but Jeremy points to a closed door that is bathed in
Panel 4 medium: Stu makes his way to the door with his gun
in front of him, in a shooters stance. He pushes the door
open with the muzzle of the gun.
Panel 5 wide: The door opens (creeeeek) into reveal him
stand with his gun drawn. Shadow behind him.
Panel 6 close stepping out of the shadow Stu raises his
gun, ready to fire. Then from behind Stu, Jeremy’s gun
comes down swiftly on the top of his head. (CRACK)
Panel 7 Black.
Panel 1 close: In a dark room Stu sits tied to a chair and
unconscious. Head hung between his shoulders facing his
Panel 2 wide: Jeremy slaps him hard across the face and he
comes to life.
Panel 3 close: Stu looks confused at his captor. Jeremy’s
face within inches of his partner.
I’m sorry, Stu. You were warned to
stay away from her.
Panel 4 Close on Jeremy, his face bathed in light. He
almost looks angelic.
I’m doing it because I’m your
friend. I didn’t want some guy
that you didn’t know whacking you.
Was she worth it?
I love her, it’s always worth it.
Panel 5 On the white wall behind Stu sits his shadow.
He’s helpless tied to the chair.
Panel 6 close: the barrel of a gun touches a forehead
Page 8 full page
Panel 1 Wide shot of a Jeremy standing in front of a tied
up Stu, his gun to his head, it is flying backward, a spew
of Blood and brain hit the shadow, soaking it in red.
Panel 1 wide on the hotel, the Studebaker sits in the
parking lot next to the other car
Caption: … or maybe they go exactly as planned. All
depending on who is telling the story.
Panel 2 close:Allison sits on the bed with a suitcase
beside her along with two plane tickets.
Panel 3 wide: She looks at her watch and picks up the bag
and the tickets and makes her way to the door.
Panel 4 wide: She opens the door and light casts on Jeremy
as he stands leaning on the door frame.
Panel 5 close: Jeremy has a smirk on his face
Caption: At least someone gets a happy ending
Panel 6 close: Allison’s hand, she is carrying a gun
Panel 7 black panel with sound effect (blam)
Panel 8 close: open door of the motel. Peeking out into the night onto an ambiguous figure
Like I said I have no ability to draw but if anyone out there is willing to collaborate I would love to hear from you. I would love to see what this would look like on paper. It might give someone the opportunity to showcase some work as well.